What happens when most women have anal sex for the first time? Usually both the guy and the woman have never done it before and what they should be doing. The result? No foreplay, no preparation, they simply go straight into it. Unsurprisingly her body isn’t designed like that and the resulting pain can get so deeply entrenched that her brain makes a permanent connection: anal sex equals pain.
Now consider the opposite situation. Here the scenario is similar, except that the guy does everything correctly. He takes his time using correct foreplay techniques and takes things at her pace. This time her mind makes the opposite connection: anal sex equals pleasure.
These connections have a name in psychology: a somatic marker. Basically a somatic marker is a shortcut used to help the woman make decisions faster than the speed of conscious thought about whether something is in her best interests or not. They are primarily designed to help her avoid situations that are life-threatening (`Getting bitten by a spider hurts – best to avoid spiders in the future` is an example of one). As most women sexually experiment when they are younger, the chances are a lot higher that she had an inexperienced lover who set up the ‘anal sex really hurts` somatic marker!
Because of their survival value, these connections are very hard to break. This is why communication between couples is especially important for anal sex. You have to move at her pace and never try to force anything onto her.
The First Step
At first you just want to get her used to the feeling of anal stimulation. This is the time to experiment with either using a finger for stimulation, anilingus, intergluteal sex or a small, non-threatening sex toy. Your vibe when you do this is really important too, as it has to be about both of your pleasures. It should be good for her too.
After a while she should start to notice that anal stimulation can feel good. At this point, you will want to give her a little bit of penetration. The key here is to use more lubrication than you think is necessary. During first time anal sex, you can rarely use too much.
In terms of foreplay, most couples use sex toys to progress in anal sex. The general rule is to keep using larger and larger toys. In one session that could mean using up to 3 to 5 different toys. Look for any signs of discomfort from her. I usually have a codeword that she can use at any time to instantly stop everything.
That’s it for my first free anal sex lesson. The key thing is to always remember that any kind of sex is about both of you, therefore make it erotic and fun for her too and soon she will trust you to look after her emotionally and physically. Once you have that level of intimacy, you can move on to the more advanced techniques like anal orgasms.